What's Your Story? Submitted Stories

Another Day, Another Fight

Each day is a gift. No matter how good or how bad this day is, I recognize it is a gift. My "journey to recovery" will never end, and I know that I’m lucky to even have this battle. This journey. This fight.

It all began the day I decided to use drugs for the first time. It started with boredom and transitioned into a monster that disapproves of cures. It grew into a demon that included lying, desperation, and self-doubt.

My story is typical of the All-American young man. I was raised in an upper-middle class family, was athletic, smart (when I choose to be), and part of a large circle of friends. However, no matter how much I had going for me, I always felt something was missing and never felt satisfied. My usage and dependence began at age 15 when I began smoking weed. It quickly grew to include cocaine, stimulants, acid, and psychedelics.

By the age of 22, I grew out of everything except for cocaine. Then I made my first attempt at "going clean." I entered a program, got educated, attended meetings, and even relocated for a while. I remained sober for three years.

If I could go back in time to that warm summer night more than two and a half years ago and listen to my friend who pleaded with me not to use cocaine again, reminded me what I had lost before, and showed me what I had already accomplished, I would do it in a second.

In rapid succession of using again, I quickly lost a great job, a second decent job, and life savings to this cocaine-fueled journey in order to find myself. I entered a second program, where I truly learned great coping skills and more about what made me tick when I relapse. If there was one thing I had learned the first time it was that I had a problem, yet I still made a conscious decision to continue using. I stayed clean for about two weeks. I became awfully adept at hiding my use and continued in the program to satisfy my employer’s request. My clean time quickly dwindled down to two weeks, two days, two hours, and so on.

My good friends stayed away. I hid from family and always had an excuse for my frequent colds, cough, and absenteeism from work. I recall a 4-month period of time where I had 5-day weeks, meaning I was unconscious for two complete days. Those were the days and nights that I must have been overdosing from insanely high amounts of cocaine, which left me unable to breathe and begging for the extremely painful headaches to go away. As soon as I was able to comprehend what had occurred, this monster would give me its medicine, and I would continue to almost kill myself again.

I remember seeing the looks of my friends and family who were too afraid to intervene - mostly because they were unaware of the extreme damage I was doing to myself, as well as being unable to fathom that this smart, driven young man was falling prey to this again.

I used to think I had lost too much to even bother stopping. Today, I see how much I would have lost had I not stopped. I know that I am extremely lucky; I knew people who had the same desire to stay clean and lost the battle. I see the pain it leaves on families and friends, and I see the destruction continuing.

Today marks four months clean from cocaine as well as crack cocaine. I have gotten a new job with a great company, a financial plan to undue the mess that my lifetime of usage has left behind, and have the true support of friends and family who constantly make me see that I am better off of - than on - drugs.

I do not applaud myself now. I recognize this as my first warning sign. Just when I think I have beaten this thing, I am humble enough to know that forever inside of me this monster lurks.

During my recovery, I found golf and was also able to find that higher power that had eluded me my entire life – God. Now, I welcome tomorrow’s fight. I am prepared for battle and ready to fight. I am ready for another day and another chance at life.

CONTENT DISCLAIMER

The Brent Shapiro Foundation for Drug Awareness does exercises limited editorial control over the information you may find on FRONTLINE STORIES web pages. Opinions expressed on FRONTLINE STORIES web pages do not necessarily represent the official views of The Brent Shapiro Foundation for Drug Awareness.

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