What's Your Story? Submitted Stories

My Daughter, Erin

My daughter, Erin, was born to a family who loved her unconditionally. As I write, tears flows down my face. I can't talk about Erin's addiction without mentioning the family who joined her in this journey and later paid the ultimate price.

Erin was born on October 10, 1980. Two years later, Tyler was born, and the family was complete. My children were very close. Erin was a beautiful girl. She had long, curly hair, blue eyes, and an infectious smile. She was a natural athlete. Despite a healthy exterior, Erin was conflicted internally. She got involved with drugs; her drug of choice was heroin.

Her first hospitalization was right before her 16th birthday. We stayed with her for five days. Her second stay at rehab lasted 14 days. She later stayed three nights after a suicide attempt.

By 2001, she was living on the streets. We could no handle her addiction. She was arrested 3 times within a 6-month period. Every time she was in trouble she called her brother for help and he was always there. She agreed to a plea that included a deferred sentence if she could comply with the rules. I know she wanted to comply, but as an addict with minimal skills for sobriety, it was a daunting task. She did not have a driver’s license, and she needed to be prompt for appointments up to 35 miles away.

Erin violated her terms for the deferred sentence and spent almost 18 month incarcerated. During that time, we supported her emotionally and financially. She matured, blossomed intellectually, loved us deeply, and pledged to never put herself or the family in this position again. We wrote many poems to each other.

Upon Erin's release in 2003, she had a full-time job within 3 days. She was living at home, attending meetings, and complying with her parole requirements. She was soaring with the eagles!

Erin became pregnant and was still able to save money for the baby and her expenses. She worked up to the day before she delivered Logan. At first, she met her parole and financial obligations, but within five months of the birth, she relapsed and was arrested. My husband and I agreed to raise the baby until she graduated from rehab and resolved her legal problems.

Erin tried to attend school and live in a home for women and children. She stayed for five weeks until they asked her to leave because she couldn’t stay clean. We took Logan back and Erin moved in with my mother, Erin’s grandmother. She struggled with her sobriety but was able to keep Logan on the weekends.

Four months later, she was sentenced to 40 days. She served her time, and again we supported her. We wrote and talked almost every day. I picked her up after her release and spent the entire day with her and Logan. Unbeknownst to me, that very evening she went out and stayed out all night. Over the next few days, she showed up promptly for her visit with Logan and seemed in good spirits. The last time I saw her alive was on Sunday evening, March 12, 2006, when she brought Logan back from his visit with her at Three days later, on March 15th, my mother called to tell me Erin, my beautiful girl, had overdosed. She had done this many times before, and as I drove from work to my mother’s house, I assumed they would give her a shot,she’d be upset,and put back in jail. I never thought she would be dead. After all, as her mother, I would know it. I would feel it. I would not be breathing if it were true.

I arrived to police cars but no ambulance, so I thought they had already taken Erin to the hospital. When I walked through the door, my mother told me, “She's gone.” I turned to leave because I thought she meant Erin ran away. She said no - Erin didn't make it.

My world changed forever that day. I have Erin’s precious child for comfort, but that doesn't lessen the pain. My grieving has just begun. I need someone to talk to - someone who understands. I need someone who didn't know my daughter to cry for her. I want someone to read our poetry and I need to read the stories of others.

CONTENT DISCLAIMER

The Brent Shapiro Foundation for Drug Awareness does exercises limited editorial control over the information you may find on FRONTLINE STORIES web pages. Opinions expressed on FRONTLINE STORIES web pages do not necessarily represent the official views of The Brent Shapiro Foundation for Drug Awareness.

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